"Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special"

someone special? eh wala nga as of the moment, hindi yan ang priority ko as of now pero syempre hindi mo pa din maalis na literally MALAMIG ANG PASKO ko this year. magiisang taon na pala pero parang kahapon lang ang lahat. shet. well thats life, aside sa pagiging malas sa lahat, and i mean MALAS SA LAHAT, i still didnt move a bit.

anyways, next week ako manonood ng new moon na magisa, which is back to normal mode for me. sinong gustong sumama? treat ko! hehe..

ONE ENCHANTED G.A. daw sa november 26! pwe! ayoko sanang sumama pero may hit daw yun sa attendance. tsk.

>~

manonood ako ng NEW MOON sa friday may kasama o wala! bwakininginangshet yan! diba i kept my promise? pero kasama na daw manood yung ibang teammates, nako asa naman.

hay ewan kung bakit ganito ang week nato. super daming kabadtripan ang nangyare saken. tangina maiinis lang ako lalo kung i-enumerate ko pa pero parang talagang pinagkaisahan ako at kung ano anong mga happenings ang nakapagpabadtrep saken.

sana itong week nato okey na. im praying hard.

haaaay...

ive never been this happy this long )

2 years of being together made me a real grownup person..

and im so thankful i love my dabah

Time flies by so fast.

Just turned 19 today.

Thank you Lord for another year

“You don’t move on from the pain. You get used to it.”


And so I realize that giving everything to you and always be there for you was not enough.

I could just walk away from all the lies and troubles caused, but I didn't.  Because I strongly feel that saving our drowning relationship and giving us a second chance would be worth it.

I am willing to risk it all because I want you.

I want you so bad.

And I love you.

'tis the season for being happy but the reason is DEAD and GONE...

Yes. I am full of self-pity and I will not deny nor be ashamed of it.

Today, as I was about to get off from work, my supervisor asked me to stay behind because she wanted to tell me something important. 

She went like, "Remember that day you came to me, you were crying and asked me to leave early? That day you told me there was a little argument between you and your mom? You know, early that day, me and my daughter had an argument too. You see my daughter's 22 and still in college and she got pregnant. I got mad at her and told her very bad things. When you came to me crying and said something happened between you and your mom, I felt bad. It sort of occurred to me that maybe my daughter felt the same way so I called her right away and apologized for what happened. "

After she said that, I butted in and told her, "my mom didn't do the same." and I wanted to cry then and there. 

I know I made mistakes myself too. I am only human. I am capable of hurting others and getting myself hurt. I may have not said sorry directly and I may act defensively at most times. But thats just me. Thats how I am. It may sound rude but I am actually just defending myself. Not necessarily being disrespectful.

I've been trying to let everything go. I've been trying to move on. But I'm not that strong especially right now. I am at the most trying part of my life and its so hard to be alone. What makes it harder is when the person you expect to lend you support doesn't even give you any at all.

I'm getting tired of this really. I am so tired of trying, I am so tired of sticking it out on my own. For once, I want to be happy and be carefree. Be that blissful me who can laugh at things even at the most difficult times, me who can use my common sense and free will to think and decide things on my own.

My supervisor ended the talk by saying that I have to learn to live my life coz its short and this is a one time shot. That in the end, whatever I do, I only have myself to either blame or be proud of. 

Easier said than done. 
I am rather very tired and afraid at the same time. Tired and don't know how much longer I can take, Afraid of the things I might end up doing.

I don't know how much longer this'll be but I'll  try my best to stay on track.